This week's fun lines, sayings or quotes.

[pommystuart]

To be a celebrity in America is to be forgiven everything.
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A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
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Never allow your child to call you by your first name. They haven't known you long enough.
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Do your kids a favour - don't have any.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. she's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Ah! Mozart. He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
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Bloke at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China.
He's out there now trying to win a trip back!
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[Michael]

I really like the last one!

[pommystuart]

7 rules of life.

1 LET IT GO
Never ruin a good day by thinking about a bad yesterday.

2 IGNORE THEM
What other people think of you is none of your business.

3 GIVE IT TIME
Time heals almost everything.

4 DON''T COMPARE
The only person you should try to beat is the person you were yesterday.

5 STAY CALM
It's okay not to have everything figured out. Know that in time you willget there.

6 IT'S ON YOU
Only you are in charge of your happiness.

7 SMILE
Life is short. Enjoy it while you have it.

(From a poster I saw.)

[Randi]

[Michael]

[pommystuart]

Where there's smoke, there's toast.
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My wife does wonderful things with leftovers - she throws them out.
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She was a lovely girl. Our courtship was fast and furious - I was fast and she was furious.
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IN GOD WE TRUST: Others pay cash.
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Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them.
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It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.
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A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
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[Michael]

[pommystuart]

I have never found in a long experience of politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.
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A critic is a bunch of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.
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Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car.
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What's a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority.
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read, and nobody wants to read.
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[Randi]

[pommystuart]

Never drink black coffee at lunch. It will keep you awake in the afternoon.
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Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
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When it comes to paying, he's the first to put his hand in his pocket. And leave it there.
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A minor operation: one performed on somebody else.
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Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
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Meetings ... are rather like cocktail parties. You don't want to go, but you're angry not to be asked.
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I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.
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[Michael]

[pommystuart]

I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.
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I'd never seen men hold each other. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.
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The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
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I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
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It's not the men in my life that count; it's the life in my men.
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On one issue at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.

[Michael]

I dare to say which was the one I liked best.

[pommystuart]

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever - but would rather not.
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Middle age is whenever you go on holiday you pack a sweater.
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Calamities are of two kinds: Misfortune to ourselves and good fortune to others.
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Modesty is the art of encouraging people to find out for themselves how wonderful you are.
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Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
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A modest man is usually admired - if people ever hear of him.
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All wrong-doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the best thing to do.

[Michael]

I especially like that last one...

[Morgan]

I'm so pleased with the "middle aged" definitions. I thought it was old age creeping in.

[pommystuart]

Money isn't everything: usually it isn't even enough.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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All right, so I like spending money! But name one other extravagance.
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Money is a sixth sense without which you cannot make use of the other five.
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Money can't buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.
********

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
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I wish the Government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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[Michael]

[pommystuart]

Marie-Joseph? It's a lovely name! It just sounds silly, that's all.
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Now why did you name your baby 'John'? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named 'John'.
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When a man tells me he's going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.
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I read the newspaper avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction.
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I keep reading between the lies.
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I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
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My kids have taken up doing meditation - at least it's better than sitting doing nothing.
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[Michael]

I really love that last one!